Thursday, March 23, 2006

Hope that creeps up on you...

Well, it's been ages since I've posted (or even checked in). Life has been crazy. Add Strep throat into the mix (yes, me included) and it's even crazier.

I do believe all my children will make it back to school tomorrow. So I may get some writing done for a change! Oh, and it's also the day of ... (insert reverb here) ... Golden Heart finalist phone calls.

I know from writers groups that I'm in that it's a day of tension for everyone who entered-- stomach aches, endless hours waiting for the phone to ring. And for most of us, crushing disappointment.

A couple of years ago, I had a manuscript that had done well in many contests. I was SO hopeful for a GH final as well. I thought, "This is my year!" Then I began to get calls from critique partners who had gotten The Call. But still, my phone didn't ring. Even late in the day, I hoped maybe my caller had just had trouble getting through. Of course everyone and their brother had gotten through to share THEIR good news. (Yes, I clung to hope. And I realize now that I was delusional. )

When night came, I can't describe the despair I felt. Crushing is a good attempt, though, because it felt so heavy on my chest and in my gut.

And I learned my lesson. I would NEVER hope for a GH final again. I might enter, but I would never consider it a possiblity. I would never let myself get excited about it again.

Now tomorrow is the big day. And RWA National is in Atlanta this year. Close enough that my husband could come to the awards ceremony were I to final...

Oh, no. Here I go again. Hope. Somehow, I've let that little bugger creep up on me.

But isn't that better than giving up and never trying?

I don't know. Ask me again tomorrow.

(Let me know what you think. Did you enter? Did you dare hope? Did you final?)


Camy Tang said...

You know, I am TOTALLY like you. I don't allow myself to hope because the disappointment is just so crushing and depressing and I can't handle it. I'm a wimp. I wish I had rhinoskin like some other SAYSFers and but I just don't.

So I think you're perfectly sane to not get your hopes up. I know I'd be doing that.

HOWEVER, I will be praying for you guys. Because even if you don't get your hopes up, I certainly can for you!


Meg said...

Those hours of waiting are gut-wrenching, aren't they? I'll be rooting for you, Missy!

Missy T said...

Thanks for the prayers and cheering, ladies!


Belinda P. said...

Hi all,

You know Beth Moore said in one of her Bible studies....

"Don't take away my hope! Nobody's gonna take my hope away."

Now those of you that have seen Beth can picture her beautiful face and her Texas voice saying that.

Sure we can hope that we're finalists. But I guess the thing to remember is that God is in control. If we sent our best possible work, then it's out of our hands and in the hands of someone who is more capable than we are at discerning where our lives are going and why.

Tomorrow let's have fun rejoicing with those who are rejoicing and being there for those who need someone to vent to.

I'll be waiting for your calls!!!

Myra said...

It's 10 a.m. CST and I'm still hoping, Missy! For both of us. For ALL of us! And I know God is in control, no matter what the outcome.

Tina said...